14 Stone in a Day!

Ladies of the world, why bother with the Atkins Diet, Weight Watchers Programme or even the Jade Goody aerobics DVD collection. What you need is the Hustler’s Healthy Lifestyle Plan. Paul Dover, last season arguably the most fittest player in the Aire-Wharfe League (apart from maybe the opening bat at Addingham last year – ‘bowled Gup!,’) has made greater strides to reach ultimate fitness. This has been achieved by eating properly, drinking gin and slim line only and kicking Danny Bott at five-a-side football. Part time he has been trying to conquer Grey Skull and defeat He-Man and rule Eternia. Please don’t lose anymore pal or you will be appearing as an extra in the remake of Schindler’s List.

Game 2 - Illingworth (away)

The ICC made the trip to Illingworth in confident mood of notching their first victory of the 2007 campaign. There were slight changes to the make-up of the team with the return of Alex Bailey (the ICC blogger would like to take this opportunity to thank all the staff at the BRI for the miracles they performed in getting Bails wrist right for game 2) from injury and ‘the Sniper’ (Ritchie Rhodes) becoming available after returning from a recent mission. Rich was looking in fantastic shape and a little lighter, he puts this down to a hard rugby season and a bit of pre-match closet wrestling the night before a game! The unlucky two to miss out were Lager and Andy Rhodes, Lager twisted his ankle whilst playing five-a-side football. We wish him a speedy recovery as Dan is struggling to conduct the warm-ups without his expertise on stretches and strains.

Uncharacteristically the Skipper lost the toss and the ICC were put into bat. The new opening partnership of Bailey and Walker started to gel immediately as both looked solid. The two were running well and punishing any loose deliveries and got the innings of to a good start as the ICC were on 80 for 0 after 25 overs. The platform seemed to be set for the innings to be accelerated, however both openers were dismisssed in a short space of time. Dan reaching for a wide one which seemed to get big on him and nicking it to the keeper and soon followed Bails who drove in the air to mid-on who took a smart catch. The Hustler and Santy steadied the ship briefly until Santy missed a slower ball and was adjudged to be lbw. Déjà vu was setting in from last week and wickets fell at a steady rate, Guppy misjudging a slower ball after playing some nice shots through the covers, Wheels dismissed after attempting a risky single and Cocky tamely chipping up to square leg. The lower order also failed to impress and the ICC ended up on a mediocre score of 163, considering the start the openers had given us. The only exception was the Hustler who adapted to the game conditions by running quick singles and putting the bad balls away. Aspecial mention for the Illingworth tea ladies who put on a great spread (juicy melons always a great addition to any tea or closet wrestling match). Think they must have had prior warning that some of our players need beefing gup!

Although the total was poor, it was defendable if the ICC managed to take early wickets. The ICC openers bowled well with Dicky extracting bounce from the pitch and Macca putting the ball in consistent areas. This pressure tolled as both openers were bowled playing some rather loose shots, one for Dicky and one for Macca. The two Illingworth danger men were in now and the ICC attack was continuing to frustrate and strangle the opposition. In this period, we missed a run-out and a couple of catches – these would be proved to be costly as the game progressed. Dicky’s first spell was capped off with a wicket, as their number three edged to Santy who held well behind the stumps, Illingworth struggling on 34-3. However a game winning partnership was about to occur as the Illingworth’s four and five put on nearly a hundred to settle their run chase down. Guppy tried different bowlers including Cocky, Jayesy, Dan and himself but this failed to break the deadlock. The deadlock was finally broken through a run-out and then Dicky came back to dismiss ‘Bob the Builder’ (Can you bat, no you can’t!). However it was all a little late as Illingworth knocked the winning runs off with four overs to spare.

It was a very disappointing and frustrating result for the ICC players who know they can perform better, however there were some positives which can be built upon for the next few games. A special note for Dicky who bowled superbly with excellent figures of 3-33 of 17 overs, well bowled pal!

New Signings 2007

The ICC blogger would like to welcome the new signings to the first team squad. Quality players like these three will add depth and provide greater choice for Captain Gup. First of all we have managed to prize Dan Walker (Joachen Phoenix) from his latest Hollywood blockbuster. Dan is an opening batsman who can bowl sharp left arm seam, with a particularly composed knock in York; the omens look good for our overseas starlet. However less can be said about his drinking, witnesses on the Scarborough Tour have reported spillages of drinks and some interesting downhill skiing dance moves.

The second new recruit is Richard Broadley (Mr Tickle) who has made the move from rivals Burley this season. Concerns have been made that Rich may miss close friends Mr Slow, Mr Lazy and Mr Funny, but I am sure the ICC boys will make him feel at home. Rich is a tall left arm pace bowler who hits the seam consistently as well as being an accomplished lower order batsmen.

The third new arrival is Neil McLelland who arrives from Bolton Villas, he was introduced to the club by the Hustler who was a friend and a former team mate of Macca’s at Thackley. Macca is a relative unknown to the ICC Blogger but reports from Scarborough suggests he is a lively right arm seamer and a quacking lower - middle order batsmen.

Hopefully Macca will field well in the Ringo and forge a good opening bowling partnership with Harrison. (Fuck all rhymes with Lennon!)

Carry On Camping

The ICC squad had a particular productive pre-season tour to Scarborough, particularly Dan (Joachen Phoenix) and Wheels (Matthew Stevens) performing well with the bat. However there was one major absentee to the party, as veteran fast bowler Richard Harrison was taking his annual family camping trip. Whilst the rest of the Harrison family were shopping, Dicky popped across the road to see his American friends at the local nudist camp, which he often frequents. Here we can see him catching up with fellow naturists Dirk and Dolly from Denver. Dicky met these cousins after winning a trip to America having completed three Gold Runs on Blockbusters in 1991. Hope you are feeling in fine fettle for the forth coming season pal.

I'm Back!

And back with a vengeance!

Who am I?

You were all way off the mark last year - will your investigations prove more fruitful this year!

Rumour got back to Blooging HQ that even the local constabulary were barking up the wrong tree...

Yes - that be you Ange & Duckers!

This season I promise to be 'bigger, better and bolder'!

Keep logging on to see what I have in store for you all!

Anger Management

The ICC skipper is immensely competitive person and in a three week period this passion has erupted like a volcano. His frenzy on the five-a-side field included kicking players, most notably a late challenge on The Hustler and trying to change a light bulb from ten yards at half time. Concerns were sent to the Aire-Wharfe’s Umpires Committee and Gup was going to be the one to watch for potential flare ups in the forthcoming season. However, after anger management classes and extreme workouts with Wheels, we are pleased to announce this frenzy was a minor indiscretion and Gup’s temper is firmly under control. The ICC footballers are delighted with this transformation, however local sports shop (Dobs & Robs) may be forced to close after reporting a massive drop in sales of shin pads!

Game 1 – Colton (Home)

Saturday 21st April 2007

The ICC faced a tricky opening game against Colton, who undoubtedly will be pushing for promotion this year. A defeat in the penultimate game last year to the ICC ended Colton’s promotion challenge and therefore they came to Denton Road with a score to settle. The weather was good and the ICC boys were in confident mood after a productive Scarborough trip and some hard pre season training.

Uncharacteristically the skipper lost the toss and the ICC were put into bat. The ICC were without usual opening batsmen Alex Bailey who was undergoing minor surgery on his bruised wrist. The Hustler and overseas player Joaquin Phoenix (Dan) strode to the crease like Gladiators entering the colluseum ready for battle. The ICC openers got off to a sedate start primarily down to accurate seam bowling from Colton rather than lack of endeavour on their part. This pressure took its toll, as Hustler tried to force the pace and played on to a delivery. In walked the skipper who had elevated himself up the order to three, but he fell cheaply driving the ball to cover.


Santy lad came in at four and typically got the scoreboard moving immediately with some good punchy shots through the mid-wicket region. This had an effect on Dan who was starting to score more freely, but as soon as the partnership reached 50 Mike fell tamely getting a leading edge to mid-on. Wheels was next and was batting well with Dan, as the pair took quick singles as well as putting the poor balls away for four. However just as the partnership was starting to flourish, Wheels spooned one up to cover. The remaining wickets fell at a steady rate with a couple of unfortunate run outs which hindered the chances of reaching a total of 200. Instead the ICC were all out for 160 with five overs to spare. Praise must be given to Dan (76) who carried his bat and managed the tail well, without his efforts the score would have been much lower.

Although the score was less than satisfactory, the ICC were confident of repeating the feat of last year and bowling Colton out cheaply. Early wickets were needed in order to sow the seeds of doubts in the Colton batsman’s minds. However this did not occur as wayward Ilkley bowling and aggressive stroke play meant that Colton were 69 for 1 after ten overs, with Dan and Rhodesy getting particularly punished. Although they were unfortunate at times, as the top three played and missed on occasions. Dicky toiled at the other end and got the breakthrough by getting one to pop and Wheels taking a comfortable catch at second slip. With the game slipping away Captain Gup turned to his trump card by bringing on the ever reliable Jayesy. This was an inspired move as Jayesy took two wickets in his first over, his nagging line proved too tempting for the two victims who both edged to Dicky at first sleep who snaffled the chances well. Gup turned to slow bowling at the other end with Cocky entering the attack. The pair combined well to stem the runs and when Cocky dismissed the aggressive Colton’s overseas batsmen there was a glimmer of hope with Colton on 91-4. With the pressure being applied particularly by Jayesy’s consistent lines, two more wickets fell as Colton spluttered to 125-6. However a composed knock by Colton’s David Wright (48) led the away team to victory, he was dismissed when the scores were tied by Macca who bowled a lively spell at the end.

The ICC battled well in the second half but it was evident that they were thirty/forty runs shy. Highlights of the day were Dan’s knock of 76 and Jayesy’s figures of 3 for 36 off 11 overs.

Wheels - Will You Ever Last A Night Out!?

His stamina on the cricket pitch cannot be questioned with a beautifully composed knock in sunny Scarborough, but perhaps more importantly his durability on a night out is firmly in doubt. He lasts as many rounds as Rhodesy would do if he got in the ring with Alex ‘The Bruiser’ Bailey’ (around 4!). Fears were first allayed on numerous occasions last year as parent or fiancée would usher the drunken Wheels out of the bar early and his performance in the King of Beers resulted in an ICC manhunt. Maybe select a steadier drinking partner, Santy lad?

Alex bales out of first game with gay injury

The ICC first team will be without the services of opening batsmen Alex Bailey after some holiday larking about with a punching machine. The ever competitive Bails, in an attempt, to keep his hard man image (much to the annoyance of ‘whats that smell, oh its Rhodesy!’) punched so hard he damaged his wrist.

ICC players were stunned when they heard he was missing the first game as Bails had never mentioned he had a wrist problem. Being a team player and selfless professional he did not want to hinder the season’s preparation by drawing notice to his injury and possibly distract attention away from the rest of the team. Bails is on the mend and fortunately he has learnt to eat his spaghetti carbonara with his left hand. Get well soon pal.

Bails above - possibly contemplating his next combo on Rhodesy Lad perhaps!?